Friday, January 28, 2005

Continuous Contemplation

A constant, continous, perpetual, contemplation is basically the idea behind Brother Andrew's classic 'Practicing the Presence of God'.

As Rev. Dominic Yeoh preached, "God is always speaking. It is us who's not always listening... Often sins block us from seeing and hearing God."

So, God's words flow continuously.
It's not like blocks of wood that you can tell when it comes, when it doesn't.
But it's like a Living Water that is continously flowing.
And I want to be like a tree planted by the water (Ps. 1), that will yield fruits in due time, and whose leaves and branches will not wither. Ezekiel 47 also speaks about the fruitfulness and the life that is created in the surroundings of the Living Water.

Help me to learn to hear your voice 'O God!
For in You I feel content and found.

Failure

Why do I keep failing with this old habit of mine, which has been my enemy for 15 years and robbing me dearly?

I remember when I had the same struggle in college, I heard a song that says
"We fall down, We get up... We fall down, We get up"

John Maxwell even conferred that he fails all the time. The quality of a good leader is not 'the absence of failure'; instead it's 'to conquer failures'.

What I have to remember during this failure is:
1. God is faithful to forgive
2. Put away any condemnation, for every condemnation comes from the enemy to bring you down in despair and discouragement
3. The only constructive way of perceiving this is to get up and move on

I remember what God told me when I prayed with Mira during Sunday service at The Sanctuary last December: "Don't miss the mark".

God, forgive me for my sins. Thank you for your grace and mercy and your faithful forgiveness. Holy Spirit, please give me the strength to conquer this sin and mold me along the process. Please help me so I don't miss the mark that You have set for me and that You have called me to reach. Cleanse my heart and ignite a love so strong that I may count this earthly pleasure as mere disgusting rubbish. You are the most wonderful thing in my life.

Value-Based Economics

Quoted from my writing in Business Week MBA Forum, 12/1/04:

Sadly many people overlook the importance of marriage, kids, charity, religion, and other factors besides career success that are important to achieve a meaningful (successful) life.
sometimes I think these talented people are 'prostituting' their lives in exchange for money, power, prestige. They're letting themselves be seduced. They let their lives be 'bought out' for money, power & prestige. But at the end, the pursuit of money, power and prestige will only prove empty and hollow.

I always believe that money & power shouldn't be the end goal... they are just means to do something positive to your family, community, religion, etc. The more money & power you have, the greater good you can create for the world. The chief goal of economics should go beyond profit-maximization... it should be about maximizing one's life fulfillment, which includes contributing to the lives of others, to the world, to things that are more worthy to value than money.

Those immensely talented people could have utilized their talents to do so much more for the world. Wasted lives.



Now, let's get real. As I'm getting married this October, what should I do with my MBA plan? I'm only taking 1 class this quarter, with 19 more to go. While maintaining my full-time job, I can only take 2 classes per quarter. Mira has pushed me to speed up so we can go home as soon as I get my MBA. But on the other hand, I'd like to spend more quality time with her, make all the mental & spiritual preparations for marriage, while at the same time trying to enjoy and cherish the process.

MBA Scenario 1:
Take 2 classes each in Spring & Summer, leaving me with 20-1-2-2 = 15 classes to go.
That will take me another 7-8 quarters starting from January 2006 to finish my MBA = Summer or Autumn of 2007.

MBA Scenario 2:
Take 1 class each in Spring & Summer, leaving me with 20-1-1-1 = 17 classes to go. That will take me another 8-9 quarters starting from January 2006 to finish my MBA = Autumn of 2007 or Winter of 2008.

A possibility of having a child also comes into play. Say, I get married this year, and birth a child in about 2 years (around Autumn of 2007). We can't move to Indonesia before the child reaches a certain age, right? So, most probably we'll move around Summer of 2008.

Therefore, Scenario 2 looks like the best-case scenario:
- We'll have the aforementioned quality time to make preparations for marriage
- Our first child will be ready by Summer 2008
- It will give me with an ample time to finish my MBA, perhaps taking another quarter off for family matters (or during the child's birth)
- It will also give an ample time for the Green Card process (which started in Autumn 2004)
- My mortgage will be exactly 5 years since it started (full usage of the low ARM rate) plus we'll get another year of nice price appreciation

Unless if we decide to have child right away; now that's a different story. But, nah, we're not ready yet. And I don't think she wants it that soon.

Sidenote:
According to a recent Financial Times report, the GSB ranks #6 among the world's business schools (Kellogg ranks #9, btw).

Averaging six publications (Business Week 2004, US News 2005, Financial Times 2005, Forbes 2003, Economist 2004, WSJ 2004), the GSB ranks #3 after Harvard & Wharton, then followed by Stanford, Kellogg, Columbia, Darthmouth, Michigan, MIT, Yale, Virginia, NYU, Cornell, Duke, Berkeley.

(Note: Very consistently, GSB ranked 2-6 by the different publications; Kellogg ranked #9 by both FT and Forbes; Harvard #13 by WSJ; Stanford #10 by WSJ, Wharton #8 by The Economist. WSJ's ranking on H&S may reasonably raise serious questions. Without including WSJ, the GSB will drop a notch to #4 below Harvard, Wharton, Stanford).

At the end: Not bad at all, GSB.

This makes me feel excited about school and what lies ahead in my GSB education.

Thursday, January 27, 2005

Thank God for Blog!

Today was my first BlogDay, and yet I'm writing my 6th post already!

I have a good feeling about the Blog... I feel I've expressed many things in my heart & have learned so much along the process.

I just can't help but remember somebody's footnote in the Fantomized forum: "Be a musician, Be a poet, Be an artist, Be yourself, Improvise more, Flow like water (Jordan Rudess)".

As I'm learning to write songs, I believe I have to learn to make observations about life, learn something from life, get in touch with my feelings, express it, maybe through writing, then through poems, then through songs. The inspirations shall come. How powerful!

I'm loving it!

Puas Nggak?

Apa yang bisa membuatmu:
1. PUAS ketika engkau mengakhiri hidupmu, namun juga membuatmu:
2. TIDAK PUAS selama engkau masih hidup


As long as I shall live
The riches of this world
The cares of this world
won't satisfy

Until my last breath drops
And seeing the Glory of the Lord
Will I be satisfied and content

(OK that's not a very good poem... but at least I got it started. Somebody (John Maxwell? Ed Cole? Mike Murdock?) said "the worth of a man is reflected by his focus".


Kasih

God is love.

Kalau kita ingin menggambarkan Tuhan, kalimat ini sudah merupakan gambaran yang baik sekali. Namun, karena banyak orang telah mencemarkan kata Love atau kasih atau cinta dengan hal-hal yang egois, maka ada orang yg berusaha memperjelas:

God is Holy Love

Manusia cuma sebuah cermin yang merefleksikan Tuhannya. Tuhan, aku mau menjadi dekat dengan engkau, sehingga aku bisa menjadi cerminMu. Aku mau menjadi orang yg bisa mengasihi secara kudus dan dewasa.

Mari Tuhan, ajari aku lagi.
Mendekatlah lagi.
Bersihkan aku lagi dari semua kekotoran hidup.
Aku milikMu.

Tujuan Hidup

1. Ad Majorem Dei Gloriam
(motto Kanisius, artinya: "Demi semakin bertambahnya kemuliaan Tuhan").

Kasih Tuhan telah menyentuh hatiku yang paling dalam dan mengubah segala-galanya dalam hidupku. Walaupun sudah lama aku tidak benar-benar menyelami Nya lagi, bekas nya masih terasa. O Tuhan Yesus, aku mau lagi menyelami kasihMu yang tak mengenal akhir itu.

Manusia cuma sebuah cermin yang merefleksikan apa yang dia sembah.

Setiap kali aku harus mengingat-ngingat lagi, Yesus lah Tuhanku dan Juruselamatku. Yang lain hanya alat atau hamba. Seperti di Alkitab dibilang, "You can't serve two masters. You can't serve both God and Mammon." Bak layaknya api, Mammon adalah hamba yang baik tapi adalah tuan yang jahat. Begitu pula dengan kesuksesan, kesenangan dunia, kenikmatan hidup. "... the cares of this world and the deceitfulness of riches," and the lust for other things, will choke out the life of God in us (Matthew 13:22).

Dalam hatiku, aku mau hidupku memuliakan Tuhan. Aku rindu melayani Tuhan seumur hidupku. Karena ini tujuan yang terkekal dan termurni, inilah yang menjadi tujuan yang terpenting, hal-hal yang lain cumalah sampingan. Dan inilah fondasi atau dasar dari semua yang aku lakukan. Alkitab berkata lagi, "Kalau engkau membangun rumahmu [hidupmu] diatas batu karang ini, badai dan ombak yang menerpa tidak akan menghancurkan hidupmu." Amin.

Catatan Pinggir:
Menarik juga karena kalau disimpulkan, "hal-hal yang lebih kekal adalah hal-hal yang lebih penting." Seperti dibilang di 2 Korintus 4:16-18:


"16Therefore we do not lose heart. Even though our outward man is perishing, yet the inward man is being renewed day by day.
17For our light affliction, which is but for a moment, is working for us a far more exceeding and eternal weight of glory,
18while we do not look at the things which are seen, but at the things which are not seen. For the things which are seen are temporary, but the things which are not seen are eternal."

Carilah hal-hal yang kekal! Hiduplah dalam kekekalan! Karena disanalah engkau akan menemukan Tuhan dan arti hidup!

Karena itu pula lah Tuhan adalah yang terpenting. Dan karena itu pula lah yang urutan nomor dua terpenting adalah Relationship terutama Keluarga.


2. Relationship terutama Keluarga.

Walaupun tujuan hidup kita adalah kekekalan (eternity), tapi tetap saja di lain pihak kita masih hidup di bumi ini. Tubuh kita masih berwujud darah dan daging, bukan cuma roh (spirit). Karena itu kita harus bisa berkarya, menghasilkan hal-hal yang nyata (real).

Kenapa relationship? Karena diantara semua hal yang nyata, "membangun orang" adalah hal yang paling murni dan kekal. Kenapa demikian? Karena masing-masing manusia itu punya roh yang kekal; sadar atau tidak sadar, setiap manusia akan -dan karena itu, sedang- hidup dalam kekekalan. Jadi hal apapun yang kita lakukan terhadap orang lain, baik atau buruk, akan mempunyai dampak yang kekal!

Ngeri juga yah kalau dipikir-pikir, kalau aku pernah melakukan kesalahan yang melukai orang lain, itupun mempunyai dampak yang kekal.

Selama kita hidup, pasti selalu ada akibat atau konsekwensi dari setiap tindakan kita. Tapi diberkatilah manusia, karena masih ada Tuhan yang bekerja dengan hebat di dunia ini. He is Sovereign. Dan dia mampu mengubah hal-hal yang buruk menjadi baik. Bagaimanapun juga, tindakan kita tidak akan bisa sempurna. Kita selalu butuh Tuhan.

Kenapa keluarga? Karena sebagai seorang pria yang sedang beranjak dewasa, Tuhan sudah mempercayai aku dengan seorang calon istri. Dan juga kalau dimasa depan aku punya anak-anak. Inilah tanggung jawab baru yang harus aku emban dengan cinta, setia dan bertanggung-jawab. Aku harus tumbuh dewasa dalam hal-hal ini. Aku harus bisa mengosongkan diriku, dan memberikan hidupku untuk istri dan anak-anak ku, seperti Tuhan mengosongkan diriNya, dan berkorban untuk kita semua. Itu yang aku harus selalu ingat-ingat.

Istri dan anak-anak ku pun harus menjadi orang-orang yang mencintai dan melayani Tuhan, dan hidup dalam kekekalan. Hidup dalam kasih dan kerukukan sebagai satu keluarga. Mengingat-ngingat keluarga orang tua ku yang berantakan, aku harus punya satu tekad yang kuat untuk membangun keluarga yang kuat. Bagaikan seorang tunawisma, aku MAU punya rumah sendiri. Keluargaku = rumahku. Tuhan tolong lah aku... Biar aku dan seisi rumahku bisa berjalan bersamaMu.


3. Melayani Masyarakat

Tetap dalam konteks relationship, tapi dalam scope yang lebih luas, dan tidak se-intense keluarga. Tuhan mempercayai aku dengan masyarakat di sekelilingku, di kantor, sekolah, gereja, yang perlu aku tolong untuk juga bisa hidup dalam kekekalan dan mengenal Tuhan.


Caranya?

Aku punya ambisi-ambisi yang tujuan nya adalah untuk memenuhi tiga tujuan diatas:
- Melayani Tuhan
- Punya keluarga yang harmonis dan kuat
- Punya pelayanan yang sukses (terutama dalam bidang Musik dan Kepemimpinan/Leadership)
- Punya perusahaan sendiri yang sukses, berkecukupan dalam hal materi
- Menghasilkan buah-buah pikir yang dapat membantu negara Indonesia (terutama dalam bidang bisnis, ekonomi dan kepemimpinan)


Mari Tuhan, aku mau hidup untuk memuliakan namaMu. Ingatkan aku selalu bahwa aku bukan apa-apa. Aku cuma manusia yang finite, Engkaulah Tuhan yang infinite. Biar Engkau lah selalu yang hidupku dalamku. Dan biar aku bisa menyingkirkan semua hal-hal yang menghalangi. Murnikan hatiku setiap hari, jauhkan dari pikiran-pikiran yang egois.

Mengenal diri sendiri

Cuplikan dari Friendster:

If you're familiar with Myers-Briggs personality type, I am an INFJ (Introverted-Intuitive-Feeling-Judging). I'm an idealist, that's why I tend to be overly optimistic & do too many things at the same time.

Habits to overcome are laziness, shy, 'terlalu banyak mikir' (too philosophical), indecisiveness. Need to take more actions, & be a doer not just a believer. Trying to be more relaxed & achieve a balanced life. Besides career, relationship & family is an important life aspect that I'm learning to add to my life. Hopefully, soon I'll be ready to have my own family :)

'LOVE' is a very important word & carries so much meaning to me. When I hear the word 'Love', I reflect on what God has done in my life. He's the most faithful and loving Person I've ever known... "closer than a brother, more faithful than a mother". He accepts me as I am, not as I should be. He keeps me safe and guards me through difficult times, and turns my life around. I wouldn't be where I am today if not with His interventions.

Having experienced God's love in my life, I always try to give back His love & compassion to Him & others, despite my numerous failures to do so. My life has been a hot pursuit for significance, and I found my life's purpose in loving my God and loving others as long as I live. Deep in my heart, I love my God more than anything else. I love my family & miss them so much.

Although I strive and work hard in my career, one day I hope to experience a 'revival', where God feels so close that we become one with God, and He literally lives in every breath and every move we make. When that happens, everything else no longer matters.


Merenung

Itulah tujuanku dalam memulai halaman blog ini.

Dalam dunia yang bergerak begitu cepat, seringkali kita cuma 'ikut-ikutan' bergerak dengan hal-hal di sekeliling kita, terseret dengan arus kehidupan yang begitu dahsyat bak gelombang tsunami, sehingga kita seringkali tidak menyadari kenapa kita bergerak, ataupun kemana kita sedang bergerak.

Ambil contoh, hari-hariku selalu penuh dengan kesibukan. Pekerjaan, sekolah, pacar, pelayanan, begitu saja terus setiap hari. Lama-lama aku merasa hidup seperti boneka. Bukan pula karena aku tak bertujuan. Aku punya banyak tujuan dan harapan. Namun kalau aku membiarkan tujuan dan harapanku mendikte hidupku, aku jadi tidak bisa meresapi lagi arti kehidupan. Di halaman blog ini, aku mau berteriak kepada semua hal itu, "DIAM! Sekarang giliranku untuk melihat dan berbicara."

Kejujuran adalah kunci dalam merenung. Di halaman blog ini, aku mau belajar untuk jujur dengan diri ku sendiri, dan jujur dengan Tuhan. Hidup adalah anugerah. Aku mau meresapi nikmat nya hidup setiap hari.